Temporary shutdown of "me"

It's been one of the lamest years in the last decade.  To me, that is.

But last five days changed me completely. I lost even my Always Beautiful Thursdays, I've seen things and observed carnival of memories in my head like moments before dying. Everything changed in me.

I realized now. It was the worst Thursday I ever had in my life.

Nothing is gonna be the same anymore. I know never is, and every day even slightly shifts us into unknown areas, but this time its The Change, drastic brutal change of everything. Awakening into dark areas I never knew they exist. At this very moment I am able to agree on everything what my mother said about me in moments of most fierce wordy battles between her ego and "rebellious" me, I'm a loser babe..oh yeah I am a loser.

...but I like my log I like these crooked sentences, my WORDS messed up to the point in which they transcribe  into shape-shifting messages of even most intimate feelings, like slightly too intellectual song or  haiku of the lame sort. Sentences that tell stories in more than one possible way, into multiple meanings and hidden information. Its all about my mind, my tricky mind that writes here, its more like direct transmission of my thoughts into html format.

My HTML form of unwinding...no my html-ized emotions, state of mind and spirit. I have 12 drafts, including empty entries with only title. I have a readers I don't know, I have unknown visitors from Sherrills Ford, Koszalin, Toyota and even Bulgarians coming to my blog from google in the search of "Et moi dans mon coin" translation, and this all like (...) 

 Eighteen days of 2009 that left to go, won't change me more, won't do any justice or promises of the new 2010. I will try to survive, I will have to accept the changes. In between I shall prepare some Christmas shaped entry. Just to celebrate it with my blog. I still have time. For now technical shutdown of my thoughts would do good.